Dear Auntie Em,
Last year my best friend’s boyfriend and I were both members of an executive board in charge of organizing a conference. Unfortunately, the boyfriend didn’t do any work. This year, he didn’t show up for any meetings, so we assumed he was no longer participating (a sigh of relief, since he was distracting rather than helpful). Now, after all the work has been done, my best friend asked me if her boyfriend and his best pal can be on the board. How do I tell her that he hasn’t done crap and we just don’t want him there? I don’t want to hurt her feelings. He’s a nice guy…
Help me please, her text is sitting in my inbox!
Best Friend Woes
My Dearest Best Friend Woes,
I suspect you know what I am going say: Tell the truth — and soon.
Best friends, by virtue of being the “best,” are supposed to be forgiving. So just as she has an obligation to tell you when your outfit simply will not do, you have an obligation to speak up when her man is misbehaving.
That said, these conversations must be handled with utmost care — and probably not via text message. Take your friend out to tea, and explain that while you really wish you could oblige, it would be unfair both to you and the other board members to suddenly include “boyfriend” — and without a doubt, “boyfriend’s pal.”
If she is a good friend she will understand why you cannot honor her boyfriend’s ludicrous request. And, she’ll get over it.
Chicks before dicks, my dear,
Oh! Knock ‘em dead at that conference. YOU have earned it.